When you think about a good movie... there's always a climax. Sometimes it's a trial, a hardship, a battle, a fight, lovers finally finding each other, etc. Typically the height of the action. That's what Yom Kippur felt like to me... the height of the action. The classes and the build up was all leading up to this day.
So let me first describe a little bit of what led up to the holiday. As you all know I've been taking classes pretty much constantly since Jewel ended. The time between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur is called Slichot. "Slicha" in Hebrew means "excuse me" so Slichot is your last 10 day push to tell people excuse me and I'm sorry for what I've done. I had some big revelations during that time and made some apologies to people that I didn't even realize that I had wronged. I shed a few tears and gained even more perspective on my life. I had some long conversations with myself realized that I don't always know what I'm doing and the most important thing in life is to learn and grow and be open to knowing that you don't know everything. I've always been a confident person, and I still feel like I am. Just confident in a different way. Confident to study, learn, grow, and try to find answers to questions that I haven't even thought about for a long time. Who wants to "wake up" and have it be 20, 30, 40 years down the road and say, "how did I get here"? I'm still not sure who I want to be, but I'm content being compassionate and experiencing as much as I can along the way.
So let's go back to the day before Yom Kippur. I was taking classes in the Old City and a friend told me that Aish was offering a "beginner's service" and that I was welcome to come. So I'm not a beginner, but I was looking for something meaningful and something that would get me close to the Kotel. So I was sold... "I'm in! Aish Yom Kippur, here I come." So I guess that settles the internal struggle I was having about where to go and what to do. There are soooo many types of synagogues in Jerusalem that finding one to connect with get overwhelming. Aish has become comfortable for me and I knew that I would have friends from Jewel and Essentials (the other program I've been sitting in on) there.
Before Kol Nidre (the night leading in to Yom Kippur) I went with my friend Olivia to meet up with Elyse, Leora, Rachel and a few other Jewel alumni for a pre-fast meal. Yom Kippur is a very long fast. It starts when you light candels on one night and ends 25 ish hours later after sundown the next night. Leora was an incredible host and made a fantastic, healthy, and very filling meal. The 8 of us ate and ate and drank tons of water over the course of the next few hours.
When we took a break from eating to stretch and walk around a bit we looked out the balcony of Leora's apartment and saw the most beautiful scenery. To the left was the Kenneset (Israeli parliament building) with the sun beaming through the clouds over it. Straight ahead you could see all the way to the central bus station with Nachlaot in the foreground. To the right you could see all the way to the Old City walls which was the only place with direct sunlight (since it was such an overcast afternoon). It made the Old City look like it was glowing! Gleaming! Radiant and beautiful. A few of us screamed saying, "Oh my Gd! It's so beautiful!" Check out this video of the double rainbow... this guys reaction was pretty much our reaction to the amazing scenery we were seeing: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/04/hilarious-hiker-guy-freak_n_634861.html?ref=fb&src=sp
After an amazing dinner, Olivia and I walked roughly 25 minutes to the Old City. The services were great. There was explanation around each important section of the service, familiar songs, and even classes available if we got bored and needed a change of pace. We stayed for half the service and then joined the class for the other half. Around 10pm when everything was ending Olivia and I went up to the roof of the Aish building to look at the Kotel. Let me reiterate the proximity of this building to the Kotel. The address is One Kotel Plaza. Does that paint a picture? Night time at the Kotel is the most amazing time. The wall glows and people were in the plaza singing and dancing. (Enter the double rainbow reaction here too) A-MAZING! Finally we decided to walk down to the actual Kotel. I, again, went straight up to the wall and put my forehead against it. I closed my eyes as tight as I could so as to momentarily block out the world around me and I just let my thoughts flow. It was a beautiful and moving moment for me. After we had enough we made the walk back to Rehaviya. No one and I mean no one is on the road for this holiday and most people walk in the middle of the street. There was even a group of people outside of the Conservative Synagogue on Keren HaYesod literally sitting in the middle of the road and singing together. We looked for my Mom (seemed like something she'd be in to) and when she wasn't there, we walked home.
The next morning I woke up and leisurely got dressed and ready to walk back to the Old City. I got to services around 10am (they started at 7am). Same format. Lots of explanation and classes. Very open form and we were encouraged to do what we felt we could, but not to overwhelm ourselves. So I went back and forth between the service and classes. By about 1pm ish I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and decided to head back up to the roof for a break. It was really cold inside the building and the temperature outside was perfect. I found a chair, propped my feet up, took my hair down, and almost instantly fell asleep facing the Wall. It was the best nap. When I woke up I decided to go for a short walk around the Old City. Just what I needed. I went back to class and before I knew it I fell asleep again! Oy. By then it was almost 4pm and I didn't want to walk all the way back to Rehaviya just to turn around and come back for the last service. (By the way I wasn't the only one who fell asleep in class... but I was the only one who fell asleep on the roof!) The last service was the climax of Yom Kippur. The music gets more intense and everyone is starting to feel light headed and hungry. The purpose of Yom Kippur's fast is to strip away the animal instinct of eating... having this meal just to immediately start thinking about the next meal and the next meal... You wear white and all of who you are is in a pure state to just focus on your connection with Gd. It was an intoxicating feeling. The last part of the service was concluding... the shofar was sounding... and the commotion outside the window at the Kotel was building. I tried my best to soak in every moment of it.
Finally at 6:18pm we did Havdallah (the ceremony to conclude the Sabbath since our holiest day of the year fell on the holiest day of the week.... double whammy). Time to break the fast! I grabbed a cup of water and rugalach and took off out the door. My sudden burst of energy enabled me to maneuver my way around people and out of the city and back to Rehaviya. Dinner, here I come. Amazingly the incredible meal I had before the fast kept me from even getting hungry until around 430pm or so. Thank you Leora!
What a day. It was the most intense 25 hours I've spent. The first time I've ever made it through a fast (including with no water). AAANNNNDDD... I feel great. Yom Kippur makes you feel lighter and brighter and truly like a huge weight has been lifted. If you ever decide to let go and ask for forgiveness my biggest advice (and my biggest struggle) is to be able to also forgive yourself. You can ask Gd to forgive you... or your fellow man to forgive you... but do you forgive you?
So now is the beginning of Sukkot. The "thatched hut" and "cosmic vegetation" holiday (as Rabbi Yom Tov so eloquently puts it). I finished up taking classes at Aish this week and started up my Ulpan. It's been a lot of long days. It's been very cool to see the "thatched huts" being built around the city. Everyone and I mean everyone has one. The whole of Judaism should be moving their lives out of the material world and into their Sukka. Stripped down to what is meaningful. I'll go more into Sukkot after that holiday, but you should know (and look forward to) that I have some pretty cool Sukkot parties I'm going to and I can't wait to tell you all about them!
Until next time Chag Sameach and all the best wishes for 5771. Find yourself. Forgive yourself. Connect with something greater than you... It's quite eye opening and uplifting.
Ok, so I just realized right before I was about to publish this post that I skipped a major event. My Mom and I went down to Be'er Sheva 2 days before the Chag to see a family friend Shimron (Roni) Tubman and his wife Annie. Roni and Annie had a baby boy and we got to be there for the bris! All of Roni's family is outside of Israel so my Mom and I got to be Roni's family for the afternoon. Erez Gordon Tubman is a beautiful baby boy. I got to hold him for a long time and see the pride and joy and love Roni and Annie were feeling about their son... their firstborn. They have a beautiful home and were surrounded by great friends. It was very moving and great to be a part of a new family. Roni and Annie, I am so happy for you and your son. Thank you for having us and letting us be a part of your special day. Mazel Tov!
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