Women in Judaism

*Warning: There are a lot of Hebrew words and terms used in this blog. I decided to not do as much explanation as I go as I usually do. If you need help understanding what I'm talking about please feel free to email me and I'll be sure to help you out. Otherwise... please enjoy my rant.

I've been asked a lot of questions lately on my feelings about a women's role in Judaism and something happened today that really pushed me over the edge. You might be wondering which edge I'm referring to... Reform or Orthodox? Before I answer that question I want to let you know a little bit of how I've been feeling lately. I've been on the fence... wavering back and forth as to how I feel about different "branches" of Judaism. Am I Reform? Conservative? Reconstructionist? Orthodox? Modern Orthodox? Haradi? Religious? Spiritual? Traditional? I've come to the conclusion that labels are a problem and I don't see myself fitting in to one category or another.

I am currently as observant with my faith and beliefs as I can be to the best of my knowledge and understanding. My background is Ashkenazi, so other than potentially having rice on Passover I'm not particularly drawn to Sefardic traditions.

If you are reading this blog than you know me in one form or another. If you don't then know this: I am relentlessly inquisitive, open minded, progressive, and am currently seeking nothing but truth. Truth for me. I am not going door to door checking Mezuzas and announcing candle lighting times. I'm not forcing anyone to wear teffilin, tzit tzits, or a tallis. I'm not even asking anyone to acknowledge that there is a higher being, something greater than us, something outside of space and time... I'm not even asking you to place a name on that all knowing presence that I feel is only Chessed and Rachamin. Truth for me. Understanding for me. That's what I'm searching for. Torah knowledge and understanding in order to live a full filling and meaningful life FOR ME. Don't take this as a way for me change anyone's belief systems.

I've learned over the past few months how incredibly special and wonderful it is to be a Jewish woman. If being a Jew is being a part of the chosen people, than being a Jewish woman must be the magic ticket to elevate that feeling to the next level. We as Jewish women are innately more spiritual and connected to Divinity than anyone else. We are beautiful and wonderful and have been the ticket to the ongoing survival of the Jewish people for several thousand years.

Look at the history of the Jewish people and know that our ability to "make it" has been thanks to Jewish women. Moses's mother was one of the women who refused to let Pharoah's decree of murdering Jewish babies stop her from wanting to help create the next generation. Her courage was rewarded with being the Mother of the liberator of the Jewish people from exile. That's just one of the most famous stories, and is surly not the only one. Sarah was one of the most beautiful women (inside and out) in history and is also known to have received more prophecy than Abraham himself. The father of Judaism and later off shooting to Christianity and Islam wasn't as connected to Gd as Sarah was, and Abraham was a holy man. Sarah had an instantaneous connection and Abraham had to work at it more. Together they chose to become the parents of hardcore monotheism.

So let's talk about a few specific issues that have been brought to my attention lately. Dress code. I hear a lot about how women dress. Modest attire. I, albeit unintentionally, have begun dressing more and more modestly since coming to Israel. I wear skirts past my knees most days and am never in anything sleeveless or low cut outside of the house. This began as a sign of respect for the community that I've been studying and living in, but has truly become a way of life for me. I am an intelligent woman and I don't want someone thinking of anything other than my mind and the ideas we're discussing when we're having a conversation. The words "my eyes are up here" should not be something I should have to say. NOR do I want to invite that sort of attention. The last time I wore pair of jeans and a tank top on a bus I was suddenly very aware of the difference in attention I was getting. Put on a knee length skirt and blouse and the world changes.

I have a cousin here that said something very interesting that has really stuck with me. "Why would I let a man touch my body, when he hasn't even touched my soul?" That's a VERY Jewish statement and one coming from the Religious world. I took a class during Yom Kippur that addressed this issue to some degree. We, as people, are built in a very specific manner. Our head is on top to remind us to make sure that we have an intellectual connection with people. That's the main foundation of a good relationship (friendship or significant other). From there we have a narrow opening (our neck) leading down towards our heart. Not just anyone can surpass the head to get into the heart. The heart unlocks emotional connections and love. From there we move further south towards physicality. How many of us have a tendency to work from the bottom up? If I'm attracted to him and want to be physical with him then maybe I'll love him and oh wait... let's try to have a conversation and an intellectual connection along the way. What's wrong with this picture? People are built with a purpose. Head to toe there is a reason for all of it. Animals are built horizontally. A level playing field for everything. There is no prioritization with an animal and that's ok. They don't have a soul. They're not people.

I want a deeper and more meaningful connection with people. Connect with my intellect, my soul, and my heart before we move forward. Dressing modestly helps to remind me and those around me where my priorities are. Sorry but, if you dress like a you don't care what your priorities are than you'll be treated as such. I've gone through the whole sex, drugs, and rock and roll phase of my life. Who would have thought that a change in wardrobe could start such a profound change within myself?

This change of clothing was just one of the many minor steps I have taken and has started to open my eyes to what I didn't know. It made me start asking deeper and more meaningful questions than I have in a long time. I have to say that I'm angry about what I don't know. I'm angry about the shaky foundation of Jewish knowledge I have. I came home from a class about the Messianic age and was fuming about all the knowledge I don't have. So I'm here in Israel learning from people who are willing to teach... no matter what my background, beliefs, or prior knowledge is. Let's open a book and find the answer together.

Today I wrote a blog and touched on middle eastern politics and the current climate of peace talks including my views on some of the hot bedded topics. One of my Christian friends wrote to me saying (and I paraphrase this) that "[she] prays that America will stand up with Israel and not loose sight of it's importance. It is amazing to [her] that Israel has survived all of these years and compared to the rest of the world is such a tiny place." She continues by saying that she "knows why it is so and it is because Israel is Gd's chosen people, His race. Israel has Gd's protection and that those who wish it ill will never have." Amazing. Beautiful. Thank you.

Before I continue I want those of you who are reading this to know that I have had more unconditional support from non-Jews than from my synagogue back home. I don't say this as exclusive information, there are a few of you who have been supportive of me and I really thank you for that. I am hurt that as I've been learning at the embryonic stages that I've been catching flack. Not getting a letter of recommendation was one thing, but the outright push back of knowledge is another. I ask you this... what are you afraid of? Me becoming more Jewish? Me becoming more knowledgeable? It's a problem to me that my non Jewish friends know more about Judaism than I do. It's a problem to me that my non Jewish friends accept that we are the chosen people and we as Jews don't even accept that. Assimilation is the most detrimental thing we can do to ourselves as a nation. I had assimilated myself to the point I couldn't recognize myself as a Jew as anything other than name. We are more than that.

This is not an either you're for me or against me statement. Again I reiterate that I am finding truth for me. I'm not asking anyone to come along for the ride. I'm not even calling anyone less Jewish than me. I'm just in shock and awe that as I personally continue to learn and grow I am hit with sarcasm and distain.

I also touched on in my last blog about Jewish tolerance of other faiths and being a light unto the nations through judiciary and moral codes. To which I received a note publicly posted on my facebook page from Mrs. Cheryl Rosenstein of Temple Beth El saying, "Would that Israel's "religious freedom" extended to acknowledgement and acceptance of liberal Judaism, sanctioned rites officiated by Reform and Conservative rabbis, and allowed women to carry and read Torah scrolls at the Wall without fear of being (literally) stoned or arrested." Her statement is in reference to the following article which you are welcomed to read: http://www.haaretz.com/weekend/anglo-file/police-call-for-pressing-charges-against-torah-carrying-activist-at-western-wall-1.315396

Here are my thoughts on the subject. A Torah is sacred and the most important part of our nation. A woman, due to her own MERITS, has no obligation to read directly from it. (There is nothing saying that we can't study it.) Women in Jewish history have MERITED leniency when it comes to certain Mitzvot since we have been the key to the ongoing success and long life of the Jewish people. If a person... ANY person... is going to read from the Torah I believe that they should do so with conviction, knowledge, understanding, and belief in what they are reading.

This woman who went to the Kotel with a Torah is nothing more than a media and spotlight fanatic. If she truly believes in what she is reading AND wants equal rights to do so than she should have shown up wearing tzit tzit, tfiliin and a tallis. She should have shown up, opened up the Torah, and started reading. Instead she egged on the men and made a mockery of herself and the "rights" she's suppose to be fighting for. Do you want equal rights and equal mitzvot? Than do them! Take them on and do it RIGHT. You can't say that you want "equal treatment" but not do the leg work to deserve it. I would not touch the words inside of a scroll of a Torah right now because I don't feel as though I am ready to do that. I was more ready to read from a Torah when I was 12 at my Bat Mitzvah than I am today. Honestly, I'm glad that I don't have the pressures, obligations, and restrictions to do so! I can learn Torah for me. I'm so happy to be able to take a copy of a Torah off my shelf and study the Parsha once a week with my sister. Together we will learn and try to understand the depths and the meaning of Hashem's written words.

Do I want to put on tefillin? No. Do I think it would be cool for a woman to bring a Torah to the Kotel to study it? Yes, but ONLY if it's done right. What right do we have as women to demand "equal rights" but not to "equal obligations"? How hypocritical. Equality means just that... equal. Do you even see how absurd the idea of equality is within those terms? Choosing what to be equal in? It's all or nothing ladies. Otherwise, what are you fighting for? Women are fully capable of learning Torah as much as a man is, but what gives us the right to be lazy to pick and choose which Torah commandment to follow while studying it?

So today was a big push for me to become a Torah observant Jew. This blog will probably mean that I won't be welcomed in Temple Beth El anymore. It will probably mean that I've opened up a whole can of worms that will have people seething at me for a long time. Understand this... I am the same person I always was. I just have a better understanding of what is important to me and to the nation of the Jewish people. Our greatest enemy is going to be ourselves. The Orthodox community has received me with open arms and have been open minded enough to answer any question I have brought to the table. They have opened their homes and hearts to me.

I love and value the foundations that I received at Temple Beth El. I appreciate the day of my Bat Mitzvah and my Confirmation with my peers. I cherish those memories very much. I committed to studying Torah and shortly there after I stood up in front of my community and told them that I didn't believe in Hashem. I publicly denounced the creator of the universe and never once did I have someone try to teach me anything different or how to find my way back to a connection to Gd. That's ok though. I found Hashem myself. I've learned that if I was searching for something it wasn't Gd that went away... it was me.

I've asked to be able to address the congregation again when I come back to the states at the end of November and I'm sure that's no longer a possibility for me. I wanted to do T'Shuva for saying there is no Gd when I know now... for a fact... that there is one. You don't have to agree with me and that's ok. Do what is right for you. I'm doing what is right for me. That's the beauty of free will. Hashem gave us free will in order to be able to choose a connection with Him (or not). Let me tell you... as soon as I made that choice, Hashem connected right back with me. From the depths of my soul to the inner most chambers of my mind and heart I know.

To the Reform movement. You have a crisis on your hands. The future of the Reform movement is dying. Look at your numbers. Your children are either finding truth and becoming Religious or inter-marrying. Is inter-marriage what we want? If you want to know how to capture the hearts and minds of the next generation you have to be willing to teach them and help them to find truth. It wasn't supposed to be personal. It wasn't supposed to be harsh. It wasn't supposed to end like this. I was raised a Reform Jew in a prodominantly Christian community. Guess what... we're not Goiym! Our ancestors fought to the death and stood up for our Torah and our nation. Would anyone in the current generation be willing to do the same?

I've cried a lot over this concept and I don't have the answers. There is greater truth and understanding to even the smallest concepts in Judaism. Does anyone know the real meaning as to why women light Shabbos candles? Why do we put a Mezuzah on our doorpost? Who can do Kiddush and what is special about baking Challah? These are the classes I'm taking. This is what I'm learning. These aren't "ancient traditions". They are beautiful and applicable and I'm willing to take on as much Torah as I can. Are you?

Mrs. Cheryl Rosenstein if you want to carry and read a Torah at the Kotel... at the Holy of Holies... I think that's amazing, but I warn you that if you want to take on Torah obligations in a Religious neighborhood you should be willing to do it fully and whole heartedly. You can't take what you want out of a Religion to make it work for your personal beliefs. That's not "liberal"... that's manipulative. If you want equal rights you need to take on equal Mitzvot and have equal knowledge. You can't pick and choose what works for you and then call the "other side" wrong. Orthodox Judaism opens the doors, opens your mind, your heart, and your soul. It's a shame that I had to move 10,000 miles away just to get answers.

Jewish women are more special than I ever knew in Reform Judaism. If Hashem is the King, than we are Gd's Princesses and Queens. We are Royalty and through vast kindness, compassion, and wisdom Hashem has created us. How can we fight amongst ourselves as Jews when the whole world seems to already hate us so much? How can we expect peace when we can't even have it within ourselves?

On Wednesday I'm going to start learning at a Seminary in Jerusalem called Neve Yerushaliym. I'll be there for 6 weeks of intensive Judaic studies. Before anyone says anything let me ask you something... Have you spent a fraction of the time learning the depths about your own Religion as you spend fighting it? You can't claim to be against anything if you don't understand it. Crack open a book and learn it. Make an educated decision. Trust that the people you love and know (me) are truly in it for truth and understanding. I hope it's evident that I'm not easily swayed, manipulated, or brainwashed. Again I am relentlessly inquisitive and am consistently saying, "prove it."

That's why I'm here. Why are you here?

"May Hashem bless you and safeguard you. May Hashem illuminate His countenance for you and be gracious to you. May Hashem turn His face toward you and establish peace for you." - An excerpt from Numbers 6:24-26 (the 4th book of the Torah) which is said during the Bedtime Shema.