Betach, Lama Lo?! - Sure, Why Not?!

Only 7 days before I head back to the US and 10 days until I'm back in Bakersfield. Then I start another whirl wind tour trying to see everyone before I make Alliyah and immigrate to Israel. Yes, you heard me right. I, Sarah Neal, am planning on becoming an Israeli citizen. I'll be in the US just under 2 months. In that time I'll be visiting family and friends, and selling or shipping my belongings to my new home in the Holy Land.

I spent some time reading some of my old blog posts, especially from the beginning of my time here in Israel. Woah. Things have sure changed in such a short amount of time. I caught a glimpse of myself in a window's reflection the other day and thought, 'who is that Israeli woman that keeps looking at me?' Wait, that's me! The way I dress, the way I walk, the way I speak, the way I interact... to me seems so Israeli. To Israelis I probably seem sooo American, but to me I'm hardly recognizable as the California Jewish American Princess I once was.

Don't worry though, I am still me... a more clear and self aware version of me, but none the less me. My soul has not changed, my purpose in this life is just more clear and to me living in Israel and feeling Israeli feels like the true me. I was talking with my sister Alisa a few weeks ago and we were joking that before we know it she'll be all country and have a nice southern accent, and I'll be all middle eastern and Israeli before either of us knows what happened. Ya know what... I like that idea.

I like that when I come back to Eretz Yisroel in January I'l be coming back as a citizen. As a Jew, what better place is there for me to be? Now I have the task of figuring out where I will live. My heart is in Tekoa and my soul is in Jerusalem. My mind tells me that there may be better opportunities to buy a home if I decide to move north to the Golan Heights, Tiberius, or the Kinneret. I don't know where specifically I'll be yet, but I do know that as much as I'm looking forward to my trip to the US... I am equally (if not more so) excited about coming back to Israel afterwards.

I reread one of my first blogs from when I first came to Israel ad I sound like such a different person than I am today. I was so scared and so unsure of what I was doing and why. I couldn't imagine spending another day here, let alone another week... month... year... That was such a hard time for me and I was second guessing my decision to come here. Thanks to the love and support from my family and friends at home, coupled with the love and support from my family and friends in my new home... I stuck it out. I can't even express how grateful I am for staying through the hard times and making it to now. I know that this doesn't mean it won't or can't be hard again, but I feel read and able to face it now.

I've lived outside of my comfort zone for so long that I can't remember what "comfortable" is. Comfortable is uncomfortable. Comfort is pushing myself to try something new, talk to someone I wouldn't have before, take a new bus, carpool with a neighbor, take a hike off the beaten path, walk all day instead of riding at all, exploring, praying, thinking, believing, dreaming, finding myself, finding truth. Fortunately for me I have an amazing support system. My friends from jewel, my friends from Tekoa, and my family from all around Israel have been so great for me to lean on. I couldn't imagine doing this with any amount of sanity if it wasn't for them.

So much of what I have been studying revolved around free will. We have the opportunity to make free will decisions everyday. I choose life. I choose to live. I choose to choose. One of the classes I took entailed a great analogy that i'd like to share with you. If you got on a bus and 15 minutes down the road realized you were going in the wrong direction, what would you do? Would you say to yourself, oh well... I've already paid so I may as well stay on for the ride. Or would you say, stop the bus! I need to get off! I want to encourage everyone that is riding the bus (of their life) in the wrong direction to have the courage to stand up and say "Stop, I need to get off the bus!" Get off the bus. Stop, gather yourself, and go in the direction you choose. Walking back might not be easy at first, but where you'll end up is going to be beautiful and wonderful and amazing.

So, I stopped... got off the bus... and started walking back uphill to get to the Promised Land. The view is amazing. I hope that some of you find the time and energy to come and visit me here someday. I hope to someday have a home and family for all of you to visit here. The Holy Land... Eretz Yisroel... the Promised Land... Israel... my new home.