Women in Judaism

*Warning: There are a lot of Hebrew words and terms used in this blog. I decided to not do as much explanation as I go as I usually do. If you need help understanding what I'm talking about please feel free to email me and I'll be sure to help you out. Otherwise... please enjoy my rant.

I've been asked a lot of questions lately on my feelings about a women's role in Judaism and something happened today that really pushed me over the edge. You might be wondering which edge I'm referring to... Reform or Orthodox? Before I answer that question I want to let you know a little bit of how I've been feeling lately. I've been on the fence... wavering back and forth as to how I feel about different "branches" of Judaism. Am I Reform? Conservative? Reconstructionist? Orthodox? Modern Orthodox? Haradi? Religious? Spiritual? Traditional? I've come to the conclusion that labels are a problem and I don't see myself fitting in to one category or another.

I am currently as observant with my faith and beliefs as I can be to the best of my knowledge and understanding. My background is Ashkenazi, so other than potentially having rice on Passover I'm not particularly drawn to Sefardic traditions.

If you are reading this blog than you know me in one form or another. If you don't then know this: I am relentlessly inquisitive, open minded, progressive, and am currently seeking nothing but truth. Truth for me. I am not going door to door checking Mezuzas and announcing candle lighting times. I'm not forcing anyone to wear teffilin, tzit tzits, or a tallis. I'm not even asking anyone to acknowledge that there is a higher being, something greater than us, something outside of space and time... I'm not even asking you to place a name on that all knowing presence that I feel is only Chessed and Rachamin. Truth for me. Understanding for me. That's what I'm searching for. Torah knowledge and understanding in order to live a full filling and meaningful life FOR ME. Don't take this as a way for me change anyone's belief systems.

I've learned over the past few months how incredibly special and wonderful it is to be a Jewish woman. If being a Jew is being a part of the chosen people, than being a Jewish woman must be the magic ticket to elevate that feeling to the next level. We as Jewish women are innately more spiritual and connected to Divinity than anyone else. We are beautiful and wonderful and have been the ticket to the ongoing survival of the Jewish people for several thousand years.

Look at the history of the Jewish people and know that our ability to "make it" has been thanks to Jewish women. Moses's mother was one of the women who refused to let Pharoah's decree of murdering Jewish babies stop her from wanting to help create the next generation. Her courage was rewarded with being the Mother of the liberator of the Jewish people from exile. That's just one of the most famous stories, and is surly not the only one. Sarah was one of the most beautiful women (inside and out) in history and is also known to have received more prophecy than Abraham himself. The father of Judaism and later off shooting to Christianity and Islam wasn't as connected to Gd as Sarah was, and Abraham was a holy man. Sarah had an instantaneous connection and Abraham had to work at it more. Together they chose to become the parents of hardcore monotheism.

So let's talk about a few specific issues that have been brought to my attention lately. Dress code. I hear a lot about how women dress. Modest attire. I, albeit unintentionally, have begun dressing more and more modestly since coming to Israel. I wear skirts past my knees most days and am never in anything sleeveless or low cut outside of the house. This began as a sign of respect for the community that I've been studying and living in, but has truly become a way of life for me. I am an intelligent woman and I don't want someone thinking of anything other than my mind and the ideas we're discussing when we're having a conversation. The words "my eyes are up here" should not be something I should have to say. NOR do I want to invite that sort of attention. The last time I wore pair of jeans and a tank top on a bus I was suddenly very aware of the difference in attention I was getting. Put on a knee length skirt and blouse and the world changes.

I have a cousin here that said something very interesting that has really stuck with me. "Why would I let a man touch my body, when he hasn't even touched my soul?" That's a VERY Jewish statement and one coming from the Religious world. I took a class during Yom Kippur that addressed this issue to some degree. We, as people, are built in a very specific manner. Our head is on top to remind us to make sure that we have an intellectual connection with people. That's the main foundation of a good relationship (friendship or significant other). From there we have a narrow opening (our neck) leading down towards our heart. Not just anyone can surpass the head to get into the heart. The heart unlocks emotional connections and love. From there we move further south towards physicality. How many of us have a tendency to work from the bottom up? If I'm attracted to him and want to be physical with him then maybe I'll love him and oh wait... let's try to have a conversation and an intellectual connection along the way. What's wrong with this picture? People are built with a purpose. Head to toe there is a reason for all of it. Animals are built horizontally. A level playing field for everything. There is no prioritization with an animal and that's ok. They don't have a soul. They're not people.

I want a deeper and more meaningful connection with people. Connect with my intellect, my soul, and my heart before we move forward. Dressing modestly helps to remind me and those around me where my priorities are. Sorry but, if you dress like a you don't care what your priorities are than you'll be treated as such. I've gone through the whole sex, drugs, and rock and roll phase of my life. Who would have thought that a change in wardrobe could start such a profound change within myself?

This change of clothing was just one of the many minor steps I have taken and has started to open my eyes to what I didn't know. It made me start asking deeper and more meaningful questions than I have in a long time. I have to say that I'm angry about what I don't know. I'm angry about the shaky foundation of Jewish knowledge I have. I came home from a class about the Messianic age and was fuming about all the knowledge I don't have. So I'm here in Israel learning from people who are willing to teach... no matter what my background, beliefs, or prior knowledge is. Let's open a book and find the answer together.

Today I wrote a blog and touched on middle eastern politics and the current climate of peace talks including my views on some of the hot bedded topics. One of my Christian friends wrote to me saying (and I paraphrase this) that "[she] prays that America will stand up with Israel and not loose sight of it's importance. It is amazing to [her] that Israel has survived all of these years and compared to the rest of the world is such a tiny place." She continues by saying that she "knows why it is so and it is because Israel is Gd's chosen people, His race. Israel has Gd's protection and that those who wish it ill will never have." Amazing. Beautiful. Thank you.

Before I continue I want those of you who are reading this to know that I have had more unconditional support from non-Jews than from my synagogue back home. I don't say this as exclusive information, there are a few of you who have been supportive of me and I really thank you for that. I am hurt that as I've been learning at the embryonic stages that I've been catching flack. Not getting a letter of recommendation was one thing, but the outright push back of knowledge is another. I ask you this... what are you afraid of? Me becoming more Jewish? Me becoming more knowledgeable? It's a problem to me that my non Jewish friends know more about Judaism than I do. It's a problem to me that my non Jewish friends accept that we are the chosen people and we as Jews don't even accept that. Assimilation is the most detrimental thing we can do to ourselves as a nation. I had assimilated myself to the point I couldn't recognize myself as a Jew as anything other than name. We are more than that.

This is not an either you're for me or against me statement. Again I reiterate that I am finding truth for me. I'm not asking anyone to come along for the ride. I'm not even calling anyone less Jewish than me. I'm just in shock and awe that as I personally continue to learn and grow I am hit with sarcasm and distain.

I also touched on in my last blog about Jewish tolerance of other faiths and being a light unto the nations through judiciary and moral codes. To which I received a note publicly posted on my facebook page from Mrs. Cheryl Rosenstein of Temple Beth El saying, "Would that Israel's "religious freedom" extended to acknowledgement and acceptance of liberal Judaism, sanctioned rites officiated by Reform and Conservative rabbis, and allowed women to carry and read Torah scrolls at the Wall without fear of being (literally) stoned or arrested." Her statement is in reference to the following article which you are welcomed to read: http://www.haaretz.com/weekend/anglo-file/police-call-for-pressing-charges-against-torah-carrying-activist-at-western-wall-1.315396

Here are my thoughts on the subject. A Torah is sacred and the most important part of our nation. A woman, due to her own MERITS, has no obligation to read directly from it. (There is nothing saying that we can't study it.) Women in Jewish history have MERITED leniency when it comes to certain Mitzvot since we have been the key to the ongoing success and long life of the Jewish people. If a person... ANY person... is going to read from the Torah I believe that they should do so with conviction, knowledge, understanding, and belief in what they are reading.

This woman who went to the Kotel with a Torah is nothing more than a media and spotlight fanatic. If she truly believes in what she is reading AND wants equal rights to do so than she should have shown up wearing tzit tzit, tfiliin and a tallis. She should have shown up, opened up the Torah, and started reading. Instead she egged on the men and made a mockery of herself and the "rights" she's suppose to be fighting for. Do you want equal rights and equal mitzvot? Than do them! Take them on and do it RIGHT. You can't say that you want "equal treatment" but not do the leg work to deserve it. I would not touch the words inside of a scroll of a Torah right now because I don't feel as though I am ready to do that. I was more ready to read from a Torah when I was 12 at my Bat Mitzvah than I am today. Honestly, I'm glad that I don't have the pressures, obligations, and restrictions to do so! I can learn Torah for me. I'm so happy to be able to take a copy of a Torah off my shelf and study the Parsha once a week with my sister. Together we will learn and try to understand the depths and the meaning of Hashem's written words.

Do I want to put on tefillin? No. Do I think it would be cool for a woman to bring a Torah to the Kotel to study it? Yes, but ONLY if it's done right. What right do we have as women to demand "equal rights" but not to "equal obligations"? How hypocritical. Equality means just that... equal. Do you even see how absurd the idea of equality is within those terms? Choosing what to be equal in? It's all or nothing ladies. Otherwise, what are you fighting for? Women are fully capable of learning Torah as much as a man is, but what gives us the right to be lazy to pick and choose which Torah commandment to follow while studying it?

So today was a big push for me to become a Torah observant Jew. This blog will probably mean that I won't be welcomed in Temple Beth El anymore. It will probably mean that I've opened up a whole can of worms that will have people seething at me for a long time. Understand this... I am the same person I always was. I just have a better understanding of what is important to me and to the nation of the Jewish people. Our greatest enemy is going to be ourselves. The Orthodox community has received me with open arms and have been open minded enough to answer any question I have brought to the table. They have opened their homes and hearts to me.

I love and value the foundations that I received at Temple Beth El. I appreciate the day of my Bat Mitzvah and my Confirmation with my peers. I cherish those memories very much. I committed to studying Torah and shortly there after I stood up in front of my community and told them that I didn't believe in Hashem. I publicly denounced the creator of the universe and never once did I have someone try to teach me anything different or how to find my way back to a connection to Gd. That's ok though. I found Hashem myself. I've learned that if I was searching for something it wasn't Gd that went away... it was me.

I've asked to be able to address the congregation again when I come back to the states at the end of November and I'm sure that's no longer a possibility for me. I wanted to do T'Shuva for saying there is no Gd when I know now... for a fact... that there is one. You don't have to agree with me and that's ok. Do what is right for you. I'm doing what is right for me. That's the beauty of free will. Hashem gave us free will in order to be able to choose a connection with Him (or not). Let me tell you... as soon as I made that choice, Hashem connected right back with me. From the depths of my soul to the inner most chambers of my mind and heart I know.

To the Reform movement. You have a crisis on your hands. The future of the Reform movement is dying. Look at your numbers. Your children are either finding truth and becoming Religious or inter-marrying. Is inter-marriage what we want? If you want to know how to capture the hearts and minds of the next generation you have to be willing to teach them and help them to find truth. It wasn't supposed to be personal. It wasn't supposed to be harsh. It wasn't supposed to end like this. I was raised a Reform Jew in a prodominantly Christian community. Guess what... we're not Goiym! Our ancestors fought to the death and stood up for our Torah and our nation. Would anyone in the current generation be willing to do the same?

I've cried a lot over this concept and I don't have the answers. There is greater truth and understanding to even the smallest concepts in Judaism. Does anyone know the real meaning as to why women light Shabbos candles? Why do we put a Mezuzah on our doorpost? Who can do Kiddush and what is special about baking Challah? These are the classes I'm taking. This is what I'm learning. These aren't "ancient traditions". They are beautiful and applicable and I'm willing to take on as much Torah as I can. Are you?

Mrs. Cheryl Rosenstein if you want to carry and read a Torah at the Kotel... at the Holy of Holies... I think that's amazing, but I warn you that if you want to take on Torah obligations in a Religious neighborhood you should be willing to do it fully and whole heartedly. You can't take what you want out of a Religion to make it work for your personal beliefs. That's not "liberal"... that's manipulative. If you want equal rights you need to take on equal Mitzvot and have equal knowledge. You can't pick and choose what works for you and then call the "other side" wrong. Orthodox Judaism opens the doors, opens your mind, your heart, and your soul. It's a shame that I had to move 10,000 miles away just to get answers.

Jewish women are more special than I ever knew in Reform Judaism. If Hashem is the King, than we are Gd's Princesses and Queens. We are Royalty and through vast kindness, compassion, and wisdom Hashem has created us. How can we fight amongst ourselves as Jews when the whole world seems to already hate us so much? How can we expect peace when we can't even have it within ourselves?

On Wednesday I'm going to start learning at a Seminary in Jerusalem called Neve Yerushaliym. I'll be there for 6 weeks of intensive Judaic studies. Before anyone says anything let me ask you something... Have you spent a fraction of the time learning the depths about your own Religion as you spend fighting it? You can't claim to be against anything if you don't understand it. Crack open a book and learn it. Make an educated decision. Trust that the people you love and know (me) are truly in it for truth and understanding. I hope it's evident that I'm not easily swayed, manipulated, or brainwashed. Again I am relentlessly inquisitive and am consistently saying, "prove it."

That's why I'm here. Why are you here?

"May Hashem bless you and safeguard you. May Hashem illuminate His countenance for you and be gracious to you. May Hashem turn His face toward you and establish peace for you." - An excerpt from Numbers 6:24-26 (the 4th book of the Torah) which is said during the Bedtime Shema.

Chag and a Wake Up Call

Talk about a major "Holiday Season"... Woah. The Chaggim (holidays) in Israel are intense, long, exciting, fun, exhausting... That's not even to mention the on going "peace talks" that have been escalating and added energy in the air. You can feel it when you walk through the streets.

There are Succas (pronounced sue-cah) built all over the city. A Succa is a "thatched hut" that is meant to serve as a representative of the mobile dwelling places that the ancient Hebrews lived in for the 40 years we wandered in the desert before reaching Mount Sinai and receiving the Torah. It's considered a "Major Mitzvah" (big time good deed) to build one and to spend as much time as possible in one for the entire week. People eat, sleep, and spend time together in their Succas. Hotels decks, restaurant patios, back yards, front yards, apartment balconies, you name it are all converted into Succas. Watching them be built in and around Jerusalem was incredible. Whole families are together hammering and drilling and "thatching" their (sometimes not so) little huts. Palm branches and bamboo and ply wood are strapped to the tops of cars and driven home for the makings of the perfect dwelling place for their families for the next week.

After Yom Kippur we are in a state of spiritual purity and are able to easily strip away the physicality and materialism of the outside world and live with our families in simplicity for a whole week. I've been invited to some pretty cool Sukkot (the name of the holiday which is pronounced Sue-Coat) parties and festivals over the course of the past week, and have had the pleasure to see some of the most unique and beautiful Succas. I spent the beginning of the Chag and Shabbat with the Brill family in their Succa. We ate and talked and enjoyed each other's company in their lovely Succa.

My friend, Elyse (from Jewel) came for Shabbat and we were able to walk around Tekoa admiring Succas after Shabbos dinner. The Brill's Succa is big enough for a table some beautiful decorations and to be to sit around comfortably and enjoy the meal together. Whereas the Siedner's Succa was big enough to include an enormous table for easily 12 people as well as 2 couches. Then there's everything in between. Big, little, ornate, modest... you name it... you've got it.

The director and Rebbitzen from Jewel invited any alumni who was in Israel to a luncheon at her home in Ramat Shlomo this past Sunday. Rabbi and Rebbitzen Eisenbach hosted about 15 or so girls in their Succa. It was really wonderful to see familiar faces and to meet other alumni from the program (which really touched me and so wonderfully changed my life). From there a few of us left and took a bus back towards the city since there were more Succas to visit. Leora, Ilana, and I decided to walk from the Central Bus Station back to Rehaviya. As we were walking we noticed a festival at Gan Soccer (a park near the Kenesset - Israeli parliament building). Of course we decided to walk through and check it out. There were thousands of people camping out (remember the thatched huts) and BBQing and listening to live music. After our quick walk through we went to Leora's place to freshen up and get ready to go to dinner in Nachlaot at Rabbi Glaser's Succa.

Rabbi Yom Tov Glaser and his family hosted an Asian themed meal that evening complete with sushi, egg rolls, and most important... Saki! Their Succa is big enough to seat about 40 people as well as having enough space for their family of 12 to sleep there at night. Wow. Talk about a major sized Succa. The Rabbi and Rebbitzen were very generous hosts. After dinner Rabbi Glaser, a few friends, and a few sons plugged in their instruments and microphones and had a small concert for us (complete with fog and light machines). A dance party followed, but since it was already passing my bed time I left with my friend Olivia to get some dessert and then call it a night.

The next morning I had my Hebrew immersion classes called Ulpan in Rehaviya. On a side note: as you can see I spend a lot of time in the neighborhood of Rehaviya. It's a beautiful area with an amazing central location in Jerusalem.

Back to the situation at hand. As I was walking to my Ulpan a copy of the Jerusalem Post caught my eye, enraged me, and I quickly bought a copy after reading the headline "Olmert urges 'int'l trusteeship' for Holy Basin, which would involve relinquishing sovereignty over Western Wall, Temple Mt." Another headline read, "PA [Palestinian Authority] may not bolt talks after all when freeze ends". So let me make clear my opinion on some of these issues. First and foremost there has been a lengthy hold on construction on "settlements" (including Tekoa) to encourage the PA to come to the table to engage in peace talks. It wasn't until the last 2 weeks of the "freeze" that the PA finally agreed to come to the table and resume negotiations. Why wasn't any of the time before used to engage in peace talks? So the deadline has passed and we [Israel] are supposed to elongate the freeze on construction for...? I'm sorry what am I missing here? We [Israel] have been ready to talk. We want peace. How long and under who's conditions are we supposed to wait? I read an article online this morning saying that the US is pressuring Israel to extend the freeze. Let me just say that like a parent you can't cave to a child's temper tantrum for missing a deadline. There was an agreed upon date and the PA waited much too long to start negotiating. That is the fault of the PA government... Not Israel.

Second... the Temple Mount. There is no way that East Jerusalem will ever become the capital of Palestine. This idea seems absurd to me. We must understand that the nation of Islam doesn't even consider Jerusalem to be their holiest city. Remember Mecca? That's their focal point. When they pray, they face Mecca with their backs to Jerusalem and the Temple Mount... literally! Every Jew (and Christian) in the world knows that Jerusalem is our holy city and it has been for 1000s of years. It would be catostrophic for peace and for the sanctity of all religions to allow the nation of Islam to have joint control over the Western Wall. Did you know that Judaism is one of the only nations that allows religious freedoms? We don't care if you're Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Hindi or whatever. We offer a moral code to all nations (the Noahide laws) and still allow religious freedoms. We are a light to the nations and have been the creators of judicial law, ethics, and morality. Also, did you know that King Solomon prayed that not only Jews would be able to go to the Western Wall and pray... and have their prayers answered? Gentiles (non Jews) are invited to the Wall as well. We promote tolerance and peace as a core to our beliefs. If you read a daily prayer book there is included a prayer for peace. What is the evident message of the Koran? To assimilate the nations of the world to Islam or to kill those who won't convert.

So I present this as we finish up the holiday of Sukkot and approach Simchat Torah. Simchat Torah is the day to commemorate when we received the Torah at Sinai. We finish reading the book of Deuteronomy and start again with the book of Genesis. The nation of Israel, the children of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, has had a bit of a rough (to put it mildly) several 1000 years. Yet we still survive as a peaceful people with a rich history and culture. Do you want to know the root of your faith? Pick up the 5 books of Moses, the Torah, and study. Remember that Christianity and Islam are off branches from the root of Judaism. Don't convert and be us. It's hard to be a Jew. Learn love for all of mankind, morality, ethics, justice, compassion, charity, and how to live a good life from a good Jewish book.

Don't be swayed by what the majority of society and media says is right and good. You know in your heart what is right and good. It's called your "Yatzer Tov" (pronounced: yay-tzer tov) which is the inclination to do good. Your "Yatzer Hara" (pronounced: yay-tzer hah-rah) is the little voice in the back of your mind telling you to think and to feel what you know in your head, heart, and soul is wrong. Much like the little angel and devil sitting on either shoulder in old cartoons. The media is going to make Palestinians look like the under dogs and the people who need saving from "big bad Israel". Palestinians only need help from their own government and from Hamas. Terrorism is rampant coming from the nation of Islam, not from the nation of Israel. We're a small country and a nation that only takes up .2% of the world population, a few hundred million at best. We're up against about 2 billion Arabs in about 22 countries, most of which surround Israel. Who's the underdog here?

By the way... I battle with my "Yatzer Hara" everyday, but like my Dad says "I'll never let the bastard win." I, Sarah Judith, am not loosing myself, nor changing the core of me... I'm REFINING who I am aaannndddd who I want to be. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, intellectually... all of me.

Picture #1: Rabbi Glaser's cosmic Succa

Picture #2: Rabbi Glaser and family concert

Picture #3: Gan Soccer Festival

Picture #4: Rebbitzen Eisenbach's Succa

Picture #5: Gilad Shalit encampment's Succa (I pass by this on my walk to Rehaviya almost every day)

The big day - Yom Kippur - in Jerusalem

When you think about a good movie... there's always a climax. Sometimes it's a trial, a hardship, a battle, a fight, lovers finally finding each other, etc. Typically the height of the action. That's what Yom Kippur felt like to me... the height of the action. The classes and the build up was all leading up to this day.

So let me first describe a little bit of what led up to the holiday. As you all know I've been taking classes pretty much constantly since Jewel ended. The time between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur is called Slichot. "Slicha" in Hebrew means "excuse me" so Slichot is your last 10 day push to tell people excuse me and I'm sorry for what I've done. I had some big revelations during that time and made some apologies to people that I didn't even realize that I had wronged. I shed a few tears and gained even more perspective on my life. I had some long conversations with myself realized that I don't always know what I'm doing and the most important thing in life is to learn and grow and be open to knowing that you don't know everything. I've always been a confident person, and I still feel like I am. Just confident in a different way. Confident to study, learn, grow, and try to find answers to questions that I haven't even thought about for a long time. Who wants to "wake up" and have it be 20, 30, 40 years down the road and say, "how did I get here"? I'm still not sure who I want to be, but I'm content being compassionate and experiencing as much as I can along the way.

So let's go back to the day before Yom Kippur. I was taking classes in the Old City and a friend told me that Aish was offering a "beginner's service" and that I was welcome to come. So I'm not a beginner, but I was looking for something meaningful and something that would get me close to the Kotel. So I was sold... "I'm in! Aish Yom Kippur, here I come." So I guess that settles the internal struggle I was having about where to go and what to do. There are soooo many types of synagogues in Jerusalem that finding one to connect with get overwhelming. Aish has become comfortable for me and I knew that I would have friends from Jewel and Essentials (the other program I've been sitting in on) there.

Before Kol Nidre (the night leading in to Yom Kippur) I went with my friend Olivia to meet up with Elyse, Leora, Rachel and a few other Jewel alumni for a pre-fast meal. Yom Kippur is a very long fast. It starts when you light candels on one night and ends 25 ish hours later after sundown the next night. Leora was an incredible host and made a fantastic, healthy, and very filling meal. The 8 of us ate and ate and drank tons of water over the course of the next few hours.

When we took a break from eating to stretch and walk around a bit we looked out the balcony of Leora's apartment and saw the most beautiful scenery. To the left was the Kenneset (Israeli parliament building) with the sun beaming through the clouds over it. Straight ahead you could see all the way to the central bus station with Nachlaot in the foreground. To the right you could see all the way to the Old City walls which was the only place with direct sunlight (since it was such an overcast afternoon). It made the Old City look like it was glowing! Gleaming! Radiant and beautiful. A few of us screamed saying, "Oh my Gd! It's so beautiful!" Check out this video of the double rainbow... this guys reaction was pretty much our reaction to the amazing scenery we were seeing: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/04/hilarious-hiker-guy-freak_n_634861.html?ref=fb&src=sp

After an amazing dinner, Olivia and I walked roughly 25 minutes to the Old City. The services were great. There was explanation around each important section of the service, familiar songs, and even classes available if we got bored and needed a change of pace. We stayed for half the service and then joined the class for the other half. Around 10pm when everything was ending Olivia and I went up to the roof of the Aish building to look at the Kotel. Let me reiterate the proximity of this building to the Kotel. The address is One Kotel Plaza. Does that paint a picture? Night time at the Kotel is the most amazing time. The wall glows and people were in the plaza singing and dancing. (Enter the double rainbow reaction here too) A-MAZING! Finally we decided to walk down to the actual Kotel. I, again, went straight up to the wall and put my forehead against it. I closed my eyes as tight as I could so as to momentarily block out the world around me and I just let my thoughts flow. It was a beautiful and moving moment for me. After we had enough we made the walk back to Rehaviya. No one and I mean no one is on the road for this holiday and most people walk in the middle of the street. There was even a group of people outside of the Conservative Synagogue on Keren HaYesod literally sitting in the middle of the road and singing together. We looked for my Mom (seemed like something she'd be in to) and when she wasn't there, we walked home.

The next morning I woke up and leisurely got dressed and ready to walk back to the Old City. I got to services around 10am (they started at 7am). Same format. Lots of explanation and classes. Very open form and we were encouraged to do what we felt we could, but not to overwhelm ourselves. So I went back and forth between the service and classes. By about 1pm ish I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and decided to head back up to the roof for a break. It was really cold inside the building and the temperature outside was perfect. I found a chair, propped my feet up, took my hair down, and almost instantly fell asleep facing the Wall. It was the best nap. When I woke up I decided to go for a short walk around the Old City. Just what I needed. I went back to class and before I knew it I fell asleep again! Oy. By then it was almost 4pm and I didn't want to walk all the way back to Rehaviya just to turn around and come back for the last service. (By the way I wasn't the only one who fell asleep in class... but I was the only one who fell asleep on the roof!) The last service was the climax of Yom Kippur. The music gets more intense and everyone is starting to feel light headed and hungry. The purpose of Yom Kippur's fast is to strip away the animal instinct of eating... having this meal just to immediately start thinking about the next meal and the next meal... You wear white and all of who you are is in a pure state to just focus on your connection with Gd. It was an intoxicating feeling. The last part of the service was concluding... the shofar was sounding... and the commotion outside the window at the Kotel was building. I tried my best to soak in every moment of it.

Finally at 6:18pm we did Havdallah (the ceremony to conclude the Sabbath since our holiest day of the year fell on the holiest day of the week.... double whammy). Time to break the fast! I grabbed a cup of water and rugalach and took off out the door. My sudden burst of energy enabled me to maneuver my way around people and out of the city and back to Rehaviya. Dinner, here I come. Amazingly the incredible meal I had before the fast kept me from even getting hungry until around 430pm or so. Thank you Leora!

What a day. It was the most intense 25 hours I've spent. The first time I've ever made it through a fast (including with no water). AAANNNNDDD... I feel great. Yom Kippur makes you feel lighter and brighter and truly like a huge weight has been lifted. If you ever decide to let go and ask for forgiveness my biggest advice (and my biggest struggle) is to be able to also forgive yourself. You can ask Gd to forgive you... or your fellow man to forgive you... but do you forgive you?

So now is the beginning of Sukkot. The "thatched hut" and "cosmic vegetation" holiday (as Rabbi Yom Tov so eloquently puts it). I finished up taking classes at Aish this week and started up my Ulpan. It's been a lot of long days. It's been very cool to see the "thatched huts" being built around the city. Everyone and I mean everyone has one. The whole of Judaism should be moving their lives out of the material world and into their Sukka. Stripped down to what is meaningful. I'll go more into Sukkot after that holiday, but you should know (and look forward to) that I have some pretty cool Sukkot parties I'm going to and I can't wait to tell you all about them!

Until next time Chag Sameach and all the best wishes for 5771. Find yourself. Forgive yourself. Connect with something greater than you... It's quite eye opening and uplifting.

Ok, so I just realized right before I was about to publish this post that I skipped a major event. My Mom and I went down to Be'er Sheva 2 days before the Chag to see a family friend Shimron (Roni) Tubman and his wife Annie. Roni and Annie had a baby boy and we got to be there for the bris! All of Roni's family is outside of Israel so my Mom and I got to be Roni's family for the afternoon. Erez Gordon Tubman is a beautiful baby boy. I got to hold him for a long time and see the pride and joy and love Roni and Annie were feeling about their son... their firstborn. They have a beautiful home and were surrounded by great friends. It was very moving and great to be a part of a new family. Roni and Annie, I am so happy for you and your son. Thank you for having us and letting us be a part of your special day. Mazel Tov!

Spending a Chag in Israel

I've made it through my first major holiday in Israel and there are many more "biggies" to come in the next few weeks. Rosh Hashana was really wonderful filled with family, friends, and lots (and when I say lots... I mean LOTS) of great food. This holiday and I decided that I was going to try to find a Synagogue that I liked. So literally I went service hopping. Here's a bit of a run down of what I experienced.

Wednesday night I went with my cousin, Abbie, and my Mom to check out the Nachman Breslov Shul here in Tekoa. Breslov are the "party guys". They love to sing and dance while they pray. Some of you may have seen them around with their van that they seem to randomly jump out of and start singing and dancing. There is a tradition to go to the grave of a "righteous man" for Rosh Hashana, so the majority of the Breslov community was in Uman, Ukraine at the grave of their Rabbi Nachman. They could barely get enough people together to start services here in Tekoa because of their tradition. I only recently knew about the whole grave thing and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. So, since I don't know enough information here is me saying, "my opinion on this subject will come at a later time, right now it's just a little weird." I might give them another shot for a Friday night service, which my cousin tells me is really fun. More details to come soon.

Thursday I went with my Mom and her friend Marylin to a Reconstructionist service in Modiin. Reconstructionist is like a mix between Reform and Conservative Judaism. It was nice and it felt like a little taste of home to me. The songs were familiar and there were mixed men and women's seating (which is a rarity in Israel). The synagogue was absolutely beautiful. I was very glad to have spent the main service with them. A little piece of home.

Friday Marylin was so generous and said that I could borrow her car to drive in to Jerusalem to go to the Kotel. I'm consistently drawn there. I just love being in the Old City and at the Wall. It's such a magical place and has a very special energy. My Mom decided to go with me and we headed in to the city in the afternoon. It was hot out, but I went straight up to the Wall and put my forehead against it and just started reading my Siddur. I could hear the Shofar blasting at different services around the Kotel. Eventually I sat down and started reading out of my book of Psalms. Apparently I had crossed my legs (didn't even realize I did that) and some lady came by and smacked my leg down and said something in Hebrew about me not crossing my legs at the Kotel! What?! Please don't touch me lady. I didn't mean to offend or upset anyone, honestly I didn't even realize I was doing it. So, I recrossed my legs calmly and went back to reading. It's a time for forgiveness right? Breathe in. Breathe out. I'm in a foreign country. Don't be offended by her. (Is what I was telling myself.) After about an hour and a half at the Kotel we headed back to Tekoa.

Friday we ended off the day's prayers at Marylin's house and fish pond doing Tashlich. For those of you who are unfamiliar, it's a small and very short service where you go to a body of water with fish in it and cast away your "sins" from the prior year. Typically the sins are in bread form and it's yet another opportunity to reflect on yourself and what you have or haven't done. A chance to decide what you want to do in the year to come.

Friday night I decided I wanted to check out one more place. So we (Abbie, my Mom, and I) went to the Ashkenaz synagogue here in Tekoa. I was by far the largest synagogue I have been to so far. It was beautiful and there were lots of familiar faces of people I've met here on the Yishuv. I brought my own Siddur (just like I did to all the other places) so that I could follow along in English and Hebrew if and where I could. Friday night services are FAST. Very very fast. Maybe 35 minutes (or at least that's all we caught of it). It was very welcoming and was really nice to be a part of the local communities main house of worship.

Between all of these major events we ate a lot. Have I mentioned that before? We, the Jewish people, eat a lot during holidays... and Shabbos for that matter. We did a major meal (for you Americans think Thanksgiving sized) at Marylin's on Wednesday night, Vivian's on Thursday night, and my Mom's on Friday night. By Saturday we were all so stuffed and tired that we went to the pool and ate left overs pic nic style poolside! One major meal a day is enough to fuel you for pretty much the whole day and don't worry I did a lot of walking to help burn off the mass consumptions of amazing home cooked meals.

Sunday was a new holiday for me to learn about. The Fast of Gedaliah. Gedaliah was a governor in the time of the 1st Temple of Jerusalem. Much like in Ceasar, Gedaliah was murdered. The unusual part of the story was that Gedaliah was murdered by a Jew which is a true rarity and was a preempt to the destruction of the first Temple. So we fast to honor his memory and the loss of the Temple. Let me tell you that after all the food I've had, fasting was NO problem. I didn't even think about eating until around 4pm. So that evening, to break the fast, I went in to Jerusalem to meet up with some girls from Jewel are still in Israel. Olivia, Leora, Elyse and her friend from her new program Bracha and I went out for Chinese food. Yum. How Jewish! Break the fast with Chinese food. Another tradition from home.

Now, Yom Kippur is coming up this weekend. The day of Atonement or as one of my Rabbi's says: At One Ment. Another fast day and day of reflection. After Yom Kippur comes Sukkot, which I am really looking forward to! I hear that it's a major holiday here and is a LOT of fun. I've been invited to lots of parties and am really looking forward to sharing about it. Lastly is Simchat Torah which celebrates the giving of the Torah to the Jewish people. Again, supposed to be a great party. Yay for holidays in Israel!

All the best for a sweet New Year. Eat some apples and honey would ya?

"Free Range Learning"

I have such a different life than I thought I would coming to Israel in such an amazing way. I was emailing with my Grandma this past week and she used the term "Free Range Learning". I thought that was the most appropriate and best description of what I have been experiencing here in Israel. I have been trying to think of the best way to describe the direction my life is going and what I have been experiencing, and it's almost hard to articulate so please bear with me as I try to put it in to words.

The past week or so I have gone back to Aish HaTorah and have been taking classes everyday in the Old City. The classes that I choose to take start at 10am and end around 4pm. I've been fortunate to have a friend from Jewel, Olivia, taking classes with me. It's great to have someone to talk to between classes and during lunch. This past week we found a great cafe that overlooks part of the Kotel and the Mount of Olives. So we sit and recap our fears, frustrations, excitements, and joys about what we're learning as we look out on such an amazing view. Yesterday I skipped the 2pm class and spent about 40 minutes at the Kotel just sitting, thinking, digesting information, and praying. Then I went back at 3pm for one last class before the break for Rosh Hashana.

On a side note this past week I have had some of the most phenomenal meals around Jerusalem and I've included some pictures for you to enjoy. For all of the amazing food I'm eating I am doing outstanding amounts of walking. My walking around Jerusalem usually starts near Rehaviya and the continues on to the Old City. From there I sometimes walk back to Rehaviya. Last Monday, I then walked to the Shuk (which is an open air market) and from there to the Central Bus Station. It was roughly a 5 mile walking day but with Rosh Hashana traffic my feet were moving me faster than the crowded buses were moving!

Meanwhile back to the subject at hand... September into October in Israel (especially Jerusalem) is similar to Thanksgiving to New Years in the States. People are cleaning and cooking and preparing to host family and friends for the holidays. Pulling together plans for meals and services. Should I go here? What about there? What would be the optimal experience to have while living in Israel? I've opted to stay in Tekoa for Rosh Hashana and Shabbat to spend time with the Brill family. I'm going to be checking out at least 2 different Synagogues this week in a effort to find a connection and perhaps a draw back to community prayer.

I've learned a lot about Rosh Hashana in the past few weeks and hopefully I can relay some of the information I've learned back. As many of you may or may not know Rosh Hashana is the Jewish New Year. Year 5771 to be exact. I thought that this was the celebration of the creation of the world, but it's not. It's the date that the Adam received his soul. We are celebrating the birth of the Adam, the end of an A-Moral civilization... a change from cave man to modern man. Yes, I said caveman. There were cavemen before the Adam was spoken about in Genesis. Dr. Gerald Schroeder (of M.I.T.) taught an amazing class about the transition of humanity from caveman to man as it is illustrated through the book of Genesis. If you're interested in Dr. Schroeder's works he has a website and many books about Science and Gd. www.geraldschroeder.com

As we are in the final moments leading up to Rosh Hashana the holiday dictates that we look back on the past year and reflect on what we did and didn't do... who we may have hurt (intentionally or not)... what we may have accomplished (or not)... etc. (you get the idea). So let me tell you all that 5770 (or 2009) was a very difficult year for me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I was very depressed and was searching for a way out or a leg up or whatever you want to call it. I was feeling like I had hit bottom. I didn't like who I was nor did I like who I was becoming. I'd like to relate this to the class that I took about 'why bad things happen to good people'. I felt like I was a good person who was trying very hard to have good things happen, and nothing was working out. Then I got a phone call from my Great Uncle Bob and Great Aunt Doris inviting me to come to Israel with them. I never had a desire to go to Israel. Honestly, I didn't care anything about Israel at all. I took them up on their offer and decided to go, afterall I am Jewish and it IS Israel. I went with an open mind and an open heart, not knowing what to expect. I had a great time with them and every day that I am here now, I think about what an amazing gift they gave me by opening my eyes to the world outside of what I knew. When I came home after the 10 day trip I knew my life was changed forever.

On Rosh Hashana it is written. Who will live and who will die. Who will prosper and who will struggle. Who will find love and happiness and who will endure heartbreak and sadness. I know that I experienced the heartbreak, sadness, and depression of last year as a result of the choices that I made and the manner in which I decided to react to them. You see 'bad things' are all relative to those who are experiencing them. I wouldn't change a thing about my past. My past has made me who I am today and has afforded me the 'good things' that I am experiencing now. I just had to be willing to open my eyes and look around to feel the difference and be willing and able to experience the change.

So with that being said I am offering my T'shuva and asking for forgiveness from anyone that I may have hurt in the past. I am sorry if my personal struggles affected anyone negatively. The purpose of life is growth and understanding to the best and fullest of your individual potential. So here I am, in Israel. Growing and learning and searching for understanding and meaning. I want to wish you all a very happy and healthy year filled with all of the love and blessings that you are searching for. Shanah Tova!!

Picture #1 Salad plate at the cafe in the Old City

Picture #2 "Jerusalem Syndrome" salad and the House Tea made with lemon, mint & ginger

Picture #3 On the walk from Rehaviya to the Old City you see the display honoring Gilad Shalit

Picture #4 A Bar Mitzvah celebration as they were heading to the Kotel

Current Happenings

So life hasn't been as "glamorous" (and I use that term loosely) as the last few blogs, but I'm still trucking along doing my Israel thang. After my last Chavaya (experience or adventure) in the desert I spent Shabbat resting, relaxing and deciding what to do next. My answer was... I don't know. Oy. Perfect timing though, I got an invitation from my friend Elyse (from Jewel) to meet up with her and her family in Jerusalem. I spoke with Olivia (also from Jewel) and we were excited to see Elyse and hear about her adventures traveling with her family around Israel. Most important, I should say, Elyse and her sister Allison were Bat-Mitzvahed together in the Old City. So we walked to dinner and celebrated their special day. Elyse's family is great and it was fun getting to know them.

The next day I left Jerusalem and headed to Haifa to see Judy. Judy is my Grandma's first cousin... so what does that make us??... 3rd cousins or something removed??... I can never figure that stuff out! We chatted and caught up and stayed with Judy's friend in a great apartment with an amazing view of the Mediterranean. The next day, Friday, we drove to Tel Aviv/Shoham to see Judy's sons and their families. I stayed with Henry and his family for Shabbat. Almost right away we hoped in the car and drove to the port in Tel Aviv to the beach. A little sun, a little sand and sea, and a beautiful sunset later... I was a happy camper. We packed up our beach stuff and walked through the port to find a restaurant to have dinner at. There was a nice Kaballat Shabbat on the port with the Mediterranean as the back drop to the great Shabbos music. We stopped and enjoyed a few songs along the way.

Saturday morning, Henry, his wife Hannah, the dog Brandy, and I went back to the beach for more sun, sand, and sea. It was a beautiful morning and while Henry played with the dog, Hannah and I read our books and enjoyed the water. That afternoon we left for Ely's house where we were meeting up with his family for a BBQ for Gilly (Ely's daugther)'s 13th birthday. Great food. Great fun. Lots of family time. It was great seeing everyone and catching up. Saturday night, I was back on the bus to Tekoa. Whew. What a whirlwind few days.

This past week I decided it was time to start taking classes again. I've been "dropping in" to classes all over Jerusalem trying to find a good fit for me. My cousin (I have lots of cousins here), Keren, goes to Neve Yerushaliym and invited me to check out her seminary. Abbie (her sister) and I went together for the ride. The school is beautiful and lo and behold one of the best Rabbis from Jewel was teaching a class on Rosh Hashana and prayer. Of course, I stayed and dropped in to his class. Of course, I loved it.

I spoke to a few girls from Jewel that are still in Jerusalem and we decided to visit the Aish HaTorah center again and drop in to a few classes this past week. Every time I go there it re-instills my excitement and connection to studying in the Old City. So now it's Wednesday morning and the 4 of us, Jewel graduates, walk in to a classroom and... wait... no way... it can't be... it IS... There... teaching the class that I was randomly dropping in to was a friend from Bakersfield that I grew up with, Jeremy. Now I knew that Jeremy was living in Jerusalem. I knew that at some point I would see him and meet his wife and new baby. Did I think that I would finally get to see him at a random spur of the moment class in the Old City? No way. There he was though. Apparently things like this happen all the time in Jerusalem. The most random and inexplicable run ins are not so random and are totally regular and natural. After his class we caught up a bit and soon... very soon... I will get to see his home and meet his family. Only in Jerusalem.

My friends and I stayed for a few more classes after Jeremy's after which I left for Tel Aviv to help Abbie move her stuff to Tekoa. Yay for Abbie living in Tekoa! It's so great to have her as a neighbor, so I was happy to help her move. Yesterday, Thursday, I was back at it again. Olivia and I went back to Aish for more classes. Our classes consisted of defining the meanings of the words that begin most Hebrew prayers we've only gotten through 3 of the 6 words and that took 2 days. Judaism, Zionism, and the Messiah was another one that BLEW MY MIND! Jewish history with a Rabbi who's book I have on order and can't wait to read. Then finally Ethics which was more a class about why 'bad things happen to good people.' Very heavy and intense stuff, but like I've said before I just can't get enough of it! I'm going back for more next week.

On a side note, I had a small unique revelation yesterday. My cousin Abbie was going to join us for the Ethics class in the Old City, but didn't know where the building was. I realized that all of the sudden I knew my way through the Old City without a problem. I was speeding through the walkways and was able to, fairly quickly, find her and make our way back to the Aish Center for the class to begin. Did I ever expect to be able to say that I can maneuver the Old City without a tour guide? Nope, but I was very proud of myself for another minor accomplishment.

So Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year 5771, is upon us. Less than a week from now actually. I am contently taking classes as much as I can through Aish and looking in to Ulpan (Hebrew language emersion) classes. I feel like this is the best and happiest I have felt approaching the New Year and ending the Hebrew month of Elul that I can remember. I have been in Israel for almost 3 months now and sometimes it feels like a lifetime. Shana Tova. Have a happy and sweet New Year.

I realize that my pictures have been fewer and further between so I am going to try to be better about not just taking my camera with me, but actually taking pictures with it. What a concept right?

Party in the Desert

Just when I thought I was going to spend some time resting, relaxing and deciding what to do next... I had one final adventure before Shabbat that I have to share.

My friend from Tekoa, Brian, told me about a "party in the desert". So I invited a friend from Jewel, Mara (and her 2 friends) to Tekoa and was expecting the sort of party I described in an earlier blog. Let me just say that it's important to be specific when asking Israelis questions about parties. This was so not what I expected, but in an awesome way. We drove out into the middle of the desert to an old British fort where there were hundreds of people at a real DJ type of dance and bonfire party. Inside the fort was the dancing and DJ music. Outside, people set up small encampments and bonfires for their smaller circles of friends.

We chopped veggies and drank wine before going back inside to the music that was rhythmically intoxicating... we danced and danced. At some point during the night, I just couldn't take the heat any more, so I asked to borrow a pocket knife and cut my jeans off into shorts. Miracle of miracles I cooled down tremendously.

When we went outside we lied back on the mats and blankets to see more stars than I have ever seen before. I was mesmerized by the milky way and closed my eyes and fell asleep under the stars for a little while. When I woke up, stew and tea were being served hot off the fire. We ate and drank and went back in for more dancing.

The party went on until the sun came up. Someone brought a Shofar which is a ram's horn that's blown during the month of Hebrew month Elul (leading up to Rosh Hashana) and High Holiday season. Sunshine started to come up over the desert skyline and with the Shofar blowing someone yelled "Boker Tov" (good morning)! The dancing was still going. We watched the sunrise, and around 730am we were packed up to head back to Tekoa.

In the day you could see the beauty of the desert and we drove through the West Bank. In the distance I could see Hevron and we drove through Efrat and Gush Etseyon. Just so you know, Hevron is where Abraham, Isac, and Jacob were buried and is considered one of the holiest places in Israel. Hevron has a very large Arab population and is a key disputed area in the land debate of the West Bank.

At the suggestion of our wonderful host and impromptu tour guide we decided to stop and do a short hike down the side of a hill to see a natural water spring. As we got half way down we realized that there was no spring to be found. We stopped for a moment and the silence was such a deafening contrast to how we spent the rest of the night it was amazing. The air was still and crisp and you couldn't hear a sound. The desert looked painted and the Wadi was beautiful. We hiked back up the mountain and decided to check out another place with a water hole.

When we got to the new destination on the highest point in the Gush we walked down a short distance to the water hole to check it out... eventually half of us jumped in. The other half, me included, put our feet in instead. Side note: I wanted to go in, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew the water was only green because of the moss that was kicked up, it was just too green for me to want to jump in to. My legs and feet were happy dangling in. So, we stayed for a while and drank coffee, enjoyed the view and cool water in the early morning hours.

Our grand adventure ended shortly thereafter and we finally made it back to Tekoa at 1030 in the morning. What a night. What an adventure. An amazing time was had by all!!